I have awkward moments. Who doesn’t? But, I’ve found a pattern in my awkward moments. I do believe that most of my awkward moments occur in one place. The bathroom. Say what?! Before you go all, “Oh she did not just go there,” I must tell you everything has been pretty G-rated. No scary stories. I think.
I’ve come across a few instances in my life that have led to some very interesting glances, smirks and even sounds. A few of these I must share with you because I find them quite comical. I can be funny ya know?
Did I tell you the ones I’ll share with you below are all from the same bathroom at my work?
Instance 1: There was a specific day a few months ago that I have ingrained in my mind by the comment one woman made in the bathroom. See, her and I were meeting in the bathroom to do our “business” at the same time that day. I don’t talk to women in the bathroom. Do what you have to do and leave. This woman, on the second occasion of seeing me, had the urge to say what I never even thought.
“Hey! We must be on the same schedule. What have you been eating today?”
Um, WHAT? Could you please tell me what you would say to her after that? I just looked at her and nervously laughed.
Instance 2: A week ago, I was in the restroom and the lights turned off. I sat there in the pitch black dark and literally out loud I said, “What the hell?!” I quickly got up, feeling for the stall door handle. Before I could go any further, someone walked in activating the lights. Great, now this woman thinks I’m chilling in the bathroom with the lights off. Luckily, I didn’t have to make eye contact with her. I could feel her weird glances through the stall door, I tell ya!
Instance 3: Take Instance 2 and flip the scenario and you’ve got Instance 3. I drink a lot of water while at work. I have a 24 oz Tervis that I empty fairly quickly on a regular basis. So, as I entered the bathroom the other day, a woman was standing by the door. The lights were off. She started explaining that the lights just randomly turned off. Sound familiar? I reassured her that it happened to me. Harmless, right? Well, everything was fine until she said,
“I guess I’ll pull up my pants and button them now that the door is open and there’s light.”
Huh? I hadn’t noticed that her pants weren’t fully on. So, now what do I do? Do I stand there holding the door open so she can finish or walk out and go to the bathroom downstairs. I chose the latter. Haha!
My Rules for Good Bathroom Etiquette:
1. Please don’t start a conversation with me. I don’t even like making eye contact with women.
2. Don’t stand in front of the mirror forever. Do you realize your blocking the paper towels?
3. Can we please keep the counter dry? Why is it always so wet?
4. Please tell me I’m not the only one that waits in the stall for someone to finish and leave before I walk out to avoid any accidental eye contact and awkward smiles…
5. Work bathrooms are not meant for actual business talk. No, I do not like to converse with my coworkers in there. Isn’t that why we have an office?
6. Can we be nicer to the toilet paper roll? There’s either too much on the floor (or in the toilet) or there’s no toilet paper at all.
Do you have any weird bathroom humor? I’d love to know I’m not the only one.
*Side Note: My work bathroom was designed by men. Why do I know that? Because there weren’t any built-in trash cans attached to the wall. They eventually provided little waste baskets after a good full week past. There aren’t door hooks on the inside of the door stall. I mean where do we dispose of our *ahem* and where do I hang my purse?