A Letter to my Treadmill

Dearest Treadmill,

I’m breaking up with you. Now don’t get all cranky. Increasing your incline and speed will only do so much for me. I’m looking for a little more. Our future doesn’t seem to align very well and I must confess that I’ve been cheating on you.

I’ve been cheating on you with the jogging trail. Oh shush now. The sobbing and whimpering will only make this harder. We’ve had a long run, you and I, but there comes a time when I need to get serious. I’m looking for something long-term and you simply aren’t cutting it.

Don’t get me wrong, treadmill. You’ve supported me in so many ways. Helping me and pushing me along to reach those 4 and 5 miles have been such a blessing. The A/C your best friend, Indoor, supplies is simply magnificent. Your other friend, T.V., really helps me forget my struggles with you and focus on Extra or the Big Bang Theory. I understand that these friends will side with you. Let’s not make them choose between us. I’ll make the sacrifice.

I think we both know that this is for the best. I’m looking to build my stamina with the jogging trail and it’s simply something you can’t provide for me. I’ve loved our times together. All those after work sweat sessions have allowed me to show off stronger calves and more slender thighs. You proved to be better than the thigh master. Don’t ever forget that.

I’m returning the mix-tape you gave me. Let’s face it. I’ve moved on to the iPod. You can keep the pounds I gave you. Save those as a way of remembering the good ole times. I’m not interested in wearing them anymore.

You’ve been a great partner. I wish you luck in all your future weighty endeavors.

Best regards,

That Novice Runner


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